Disillusionment Phase

Lately, there has been increasing amounts of research for the first year of teaching. There are phases that are being referenced.

Before students arrive, you are in Anticipation Phase. Dreaming and planning for the year to come.

Then, school starts and you enter the Survival Phase.  This is when you are doing just that, surviving; week to week, day to day, hour to hour.

Then, Disillusionment Phases hits. This is where I am currently living. I am at the point I question if I made a good choice moving to special education, if I can handle it, is it worth it? 
What did I get myself into? 
Do I love my students? Yes. 
Do I think about quitting my job and crawling in a cave daily? Yes.

The Phases of the First-Year Teachers' Attitude Toward Teaching also mirrors some aspects of the Phases associated with a disaster. The predictable phases of any disaster, in order, are: (1) Preparation, (2) Alert, (3) Impact, (4) Heroic, (5) Disillusionment, and (6) Recovery. Coincidence? I think not. 

I am questioning everything. I know that I am a good teacher. I know that I care about my students. I don't know if I made a good choice and I don't know what to do next.

I am exhausted. My aids are exhausted. We are all stressed.We haven't given up, and it helps that we are in it together; but I don't know what to do.

I am done. 
I am numb.
I am drowning. 
I'm toast. 
I am ready to hibernate for the rest of the year. 
Good Bye.