Attitude makes a difference

Children pick up on what adults around them are feeling. Even if a child can't articulate it, they show you with their body language and their behavior.

The holidays can be a crazy and stressful time for many people. This includes our students. Some of them spend time with a different parent or adult guardian. Some are from low income families who are happy to have a meal and lucky to get any presents. Children can get anxiety around the holidays too.

I my goal is to have a positive attitude. My goal is to be Compassionate, Caring and Consistent.

I am an adult. I am a model. I am a professional.

Children benefit the most when adults remember that. Attitude is everything and as adults in the classroom, we set the tone.

We all need to be Compassionate. We don't always know why things are happening or why someone feels a certain way.

We need to be Caring. Our students deserve to feel cared for; unconditionally.

We need to be Consistent. Children won't trust an adult who is up and down. They need to trust that the adults who work with them are reliable. They need to see that you have it together and are present. Even if there is a tornado inside, you can't let it show. They have enough going on. Adult problems are not their problems and they shouldn't know about them. We need to be consistent, they need to know they can count on us to support them.

When we remember these three things, the classroom climate is positive and everyone feels better.

TGIF

Most teachers will agree that this is a challenging time of year to teach. There are many holidays and a lot of excitement . There are also a lot of vacations, concerts, celebrations and other events that interrupt typical routines. In Special Education, I am learning just how challenging these changes can be.

This week, almost all the staff and half my students were sick.

This means there was a lot of missed school and change in routine for many of my students (and myself). Today I came back after being out sick for two days. Two of my three aids were out sick today. Many of my students missed atleast one day this week as well.

Some students struggle more with change than others. One of my students spit in and slapped my face today. Another kicked a ball at me. The others, gave me a hug and were happy to have me back.

There have also been a lot of events lately that add some anxiety and fear.  I teach elementary school, but my kids still hear about what is happening in the world. At school, we need to make sure we practice what we would do in emergency situations (this happens regularly, but after an event some students and adults are more sensitive). I must say, even though it messed up some of our schedule, I'm proud of my kids. They handled our drill really well today and transitioned back into their schedules after. 

I'm still recovering, I'm not 100% on my game; I have a stash of tissues, a sore throat and a mild headache. I'm tired and I will probably take a nap after I finish this post. I am thankful it's Friday, because my body needs rest. Mentally I feel good (despite being slapped in the face), but physically I'm tired. Being sick and being present and positive in the classroom is really difficult. It takes a lot of work.

Time for some ZzZz's

Sometimes you need to cry

Today was a rough day. It wasn't a behavior day, most of  my students were great. But, it was rough and I broke down. Teachers care about their students. That isn't new.

When you have a student who has a medical condition, you care more. They amaze you with how brave they are. They frighten you when something is wrong and you think about them and their families constantly. I have one of these students this year. A sweet student who  is more brave than I could ever be. Today was a rough day. This student had a rough day at school and then  had to be taken to the hospital. It scared me. I cried and then cried again. I tried to be strong with my other students, but they knew I was worried. One of them cried too.

You get attached to your students, you care about them. It hurts you when they aren't okay.  Sometimes you just need to cry, because there isn't anything else left to do. There isn't anything else you can do.

I want to be a Monday Teacher

This summer when I was at the SDE Las Vegas conference, I saw many inspirational speakers. One was Dr. Danny Brassell. He encouraged us all to be Monday teachers. Teachers who are excited to go to work every day. Teachers who are excited for the new week. He said not to be a Friday teacher, someone only living for the weekend; waiting and wanting to be done with work. The teachers ready to leave before students are even on the buses.

 I want to be a Monday teacher. I do. This year is making it hard. Everyday there is a new challenge, a new obstacle. If it isn't a student challenge, it's a parent or paper work challenge. Some days it's all three. Since the start of school, I've had maybe one day where I didn't feel completely exhausted, where I hadn't struggled in some way.  There have been weeks where I was a Friday teacher.

Next week is  Thanksgiving. This is one of my favorite holidays and always will be. It reminds me of my Puritan heritage, my family traditions and reminds me to be  thankful. I have  an amazing life that I have worked hard for. I know I deserve the happiness  I feel daily. I am thankful for the challenges I have faced this year, because in the end  they are only making me stronger. I will be a better person and better teacher because of them.

I am thankful for my administration, my aids, my fellow teachers. With out all of these supports I wouldn't survive.

I am thankful for my students.

Today was a rough day. Many of them struggled through out the day and some lashed out at me.

As they were leaving, all of them gave me a hug. 

They said good bye, have a good break and I will miss you.
 I will miss them too.
After  those hugs, I know I can keep going.

They know I care and I know they do too. Even when they say they don't. 

I can be a Monday teacher again, I just need to focus on the positives. I need to focus on the love. I need to keep being thankful.

Be an Advocate

As a teacher or parent, it is important to be an advocate for your students or child. When special education students are involved, this is even more important. Special education students, like young children cannot always tell you what they need.

It is important as a person who cares for them to make sure you always have their best interests in mind. Sometimes this requires taking the time to reach out and get more support. A student can't do that for themselves. They need the support of adults who love them and care for them. Sometimes parents are a student's biggest advocates. Sometimes teachers are. In a perfect world, there is a strong team of support wrapped around every student.

If you don't advocate for students, if you don't ask for the supports they need; then students will not get those supports. You might not always get what you want, but sometimes you will. It doesn't mean you are making enemies, it means you are seeking friends and supports. It means if something doesn't sound right or feel right then you do something about it and find others that can help.

Raise your voice. 
Ask for help. 
Seek answers. 
Advocate. 

It can have a huge impact. It might just change a life.

Disillusionment Phase

Lately, there has been increasing amounts of research for the first year of teaching. There are phases that are being referenced.

Before students arrive, you are in Anticipation Phase. Dreaming and planning for the year to come.

Then, school starts and you enter the Survival Phase.  This is when you are doing just that, surviving; week to week, day to day, hour to hour.

Then, Disillusionment Phases hits. This is where I am currently living. I am at the point I question if I made a good choice moving to special education, if I can handle it, is it worth it? 
What did I get myself into? 
Do I love my students? Yes. 
Do I think about quitting my job and crawling in a cave daily? Yes.

The Phases of the First-Year Teachers' Attitude Toward Teaching also mirrors some aspects of the Phases associated with a disaster. The predictable phases of any disaster, in order, are: (1) Preparation, (2) Alert, (3) Impact, (4) Heroic, (5) Disillusionment, and (6) Recovery. Coincidence? I think not. 

I am questioning everything. I know that I am a good teacher. I know that I care about my students. I don't know if I made a good choice and I don't know what to do next.

I am exhausted. My aids are exhausted. We are all stressed.We haven't given up, and it helps that we are in it together; but I don't know what to do.

I am done. 
I am numb.
I am drowning. 
I'm toast. 
I am ready to hibernate for the rest of the year. 
Good Bye. 

Teacher Burnout

Teacher burnout is real and it is a problem in our country. There is huge turn over in education from early childhood and elementary to special education. We need skilled teachers to stay in schools, our kids and country need them; need us. But burnout is real, teaching can make you tired.Challenging classes can weigh on you.

I think about my students (my kids) ALL the time! I think about their lives, their families, their futures. I wrack my brain trying to figure out what skills and strategies I can teach them that will matter, that will help them be the best they can be. I think about their passions, how can I help them figure out skills that will help them work in an area they are passionate about?

When I am not thinking about my students, I am doing paperwork. It seems the paperwork is never ending. Like I said in a previous post, I am not a Type-A, everything needs to be perfectly organized kind of person. However, I wish I was some days. Any Type-As want to come organize my life? Or at least my desk?

The class I have this year is by far the most challenging I have ever had. Academics are easy to differentiate, I feel like this is where I am the most confident. It's the behaviors I am struggling with. When you are in a setting where students are not with their non-disabled peers, they don't get to see what is typical as frequently. They see a lot of atypical behavior. I have a class that struggles to stand in line, they talk constantly and more than half of my students have had a physical outburst this year. It's exhausting for myself, for my aids and for the other students. 

We just had CPI training this week. When I was sitting in the training, all I kept thinking was "These are my kids, this is exactly what they do." People go through different levels when they are escalating, a bell curve if the escalation happens slowly or a steep cliff if it happens quickly. They enter a state where they lose rationality. Seeing one of my students go through this is one of the most emotionally draining experiences I have ever had. I feel for my students and their families. It is exhausting. I appreciate the support families give and I appreciate when they say sorry, even though the outburst isn't their fault. When they are supportive, when they say sorry, it shows me that they understand and they appreciate that I am not giving up on their child. 

If you have a child who has outbursts, make sure you support their teacher and thank them for what they do. They need to hear it. They appreciate when they do and it will help get them through those rough times. It might help keep some really great teachers from getting burnt out and leaving the profession they love. 

The only things keeping me from burnout status are: trainings, long weekends, knowing break is coming, wine, and forcing myself to use my nights and weekends for me. I've also decided I need to start doing yoga regularly again (I haven't been invested in my practice since college). I hope this will help me feel more balanced and less exhausted.